Days without Lucy: Entry Seven.

I thought I was over her…

I guess in the end, it bit me in the back, though. I’ve been befriending quite a lot of females lately, but they’re either taken or a homosexual. They’re fun to be around, actually. When I’m not trying to flirt or trying to romantically impress them, they’re pretty easy people to make laugh. However, not too long ago, I met a different girl. She wasn’t taken and claimed that she loved me via facebook. She didn’t live too far away from me. Just a five minute walk to her house. It was the chance of a lifetime. I accepted, not having any doubts about it at the time. I was pretty excited, I actually decided to tell my ‘friends.’

Man, was I wrong…

They severely ridiculed her, calling her a ” Hoe,” and a Lunatic. For the past couple of days on my way home from school, They would constantly pressure me to break up with her and to leave her, something which I wasn’t too sure about at the time. Then, just recently, A good point was thrown across my head: She liked me for so long, so why didn’t she ask me out earlier? It’s true that she did have a crush on a person who I now question to have the title of ‘friend,’ But that was the past. It doesn’t matter anymore, right? I Don’t know. But I’ve been trying to talk to her about it, but she ignores me or tries to change the subject. I don’t know about anything anymore.

Futhermore, My friend who is trying to lead me away from her also claims that she would ‘probably’ go out with me. I can sense that she still means no, even now. It’s probably a ploy to try to get me to break up with her because she knows that I have a crush on her. I’m not sure about it, anymore. She is really phsyically attractive, and she’s been by me for many months. But lately, she’s become rather…critical of me. I can tell some days that I get on her nerves, and that she doesn’t even want to be bothered with me. Even so, I still press myself onto this woman, because I’m scared of losing people….Just like I lost Lucy.

Now the thoughts of her are coming back to me… If I dump my new lover, will everything that I stand for be false? I know that I would never go for or leave a person for physical apperance. But My girlfriend hasn’t been a good one. She claims that it’s too cold to go on dates, her mom won’t let her out of the house…. Heh. It might as well be another long distance Relationship. She’s beautiful, and she’s treated me kindly. But for all I know, her random “feelings” for me could be a lie within itself.

But what if it isn’t? If her love for me is sincere, then the fact that she’ll be one of the rare girls that actually like me will remain, and dumping her will put me in god knows how many more years of loneliness on me.  I’d be placing a big gamble on myself.. 

Ugh… Lucy.. I know you’re out there, doing bigger and better things. I hope you are enjoying yourself, and not going through the same mental hell that I am.

Days without Lucy: Entry Six

Within a couple hours, I’m supposed to be going on a cruise with my folks. I remember I was scared of flying, but it was no biggie when I actually flew, So the same should apply here. …-Sigh.- I miss Lucy very much still. And I’ve been thinking..What would happen, if by some chance, I did accomplish all of my dreams?  My Dream as a songwriter, or my dream being a musician in general? What if she’s still alive now? What if she was still alive then? What if I saw her on the boat that I’m going to be living on for the next seven days? How could I approach her? How could I even look her in the eyes? … How could I even be able to tell if it was her? …… I dunno….

Am I really going to get over Lucy? No other girl or guy in the world is willing to be with me.  Even the Otaku find me unattractive. What does that mean for me?  Does that mean that some people in this world are destined to be alone forever? I think so.

People say that love is out there for everyone, but is that really true? People die each and everyday with no one by their side to share their last breath with.   When an accident happens, the only ones that will notice will be the ones that didn’t even acknowledge their existance until then. And even afterwards, They’ll go on forgetting that person soon after.   Not everyone is met to have a happy ending where people celebrate one’s life. Some of us will be alone until the day we die, some of us having our deaths celebrated….

I wonder, Lucy… what would you do if you heard that I died..?